In part, being responded to in this different way initiates our becoming aware of what we were missing as children. To the degree that we have suffered a painful childhood, being treated with love and tenderness can cause us to be deeply saddened. An understanding of both sources helps explain how positive and rewarding interactions can precipitate sad feelings that we unconsciously try to avoid by rejecting or distancing ourselves from our loved one.
The other source is emotional closeness and intimacy that we experience in the present. The sadness aroused by love comes from two sources. But there is more to sadness than unhappiness, and it is in our interest to broaden our understanding of an emotion that is typically considered negative. Childhood is filled with this type of sadness because children are so often overlooked, misunderstood, and inadvertently hurt in the course of growing up. When sadness is associated with unhappiness and emotional pain, it is an unpleasant experience, although even then it is a healthy release.
It’s the feeling that wells up inside you when you see somebody overcome a significant obstacle to their development or achieve a meaningful victory. It’s the sadness that surprises you when you do something for someone else that expresses your sensitivity toward them. It’s the sadness that you feel when someone does something for you that indicates a special sensitivity to you. It’s the emotion you, as a member of the wedding party, experience as you witness them. It’s the emotion you observe between a bride and groom when they tear up as they stand at the altar. One of the reasons it is difficult to understand these sources of sadness is that we expect love to make us happy.Įven though we may have difficulty understanding the sadness that comes from positive and loving experiences, if we really think about it, we are all aware of times we have known this feeling.
This type of sadness is perplexing because it is aroused when we are treated with kindness and compassion and sensitivity. This is not the kind of sadness that comes when our feelings are hurt or our heart is broken. We often retreat from love when it unconsciously arouses painful feelings of sadness. Joy’s smile is much closer to tears than it is to laughter.
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